Lost and Found
by aikifrodogrrl
Summary: Warnings for mention of self injury, this is pre-slash, part 3 of vignettes series


Title: Lost and Found  
  
Series: Part Three of the Vignettes Series (Please read other parts first)  
  
Author: aikifrodogrrl  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close. Don't sue me  
  
Ratings: R, see below  
  
Warnings: Triggering Content - mentions self injury, language, angst, nervous breakdown   
  
Yes friends, you do learn who the mystery person is in this piece. I promised didn't I?  
  
Day One - Lost …  
  
No one has noticed the change in you since you came back to Vegas. You're fading faster now, but luck has been with you. If someone notices they may try to save your sorry ass, and you just don't want it anymore. Don't want them to waste their time, it'll be easier this way. You won't kill yourself, not yet. You'll just make them hate you so no one will care when you're gone.  
  
Ah yes, holiday cheer. Watching people just makes it worse. The fact that you ran out of meds over a week ago probably doesn't help, but you just don't want to go back on them. Insurance won't pay till the beginning of next month, and you can't afford to have them and pay to rent. So, screw it.  
  
Just a little longer and your shift will be over. Time to go home and collapse into the mess you've made. You sigh; the feelings are building up already. There's only one thing to do. You clean your desk up, crouch over like your sick and make you're way to the Bugman's office.   
  
"Hey Grissom, I think I'm sick, like stomach flu sick."  
  
He doesn't even look up from his newest roach. "Okay, go home. Rest for a few days if you need to. You haven't been looking well lately."  
  
You fly out of the building, jump in your car and drive. Where to? Home? Nope, just misery and crappiness there. Down to the new club. Well, yes it's for queers. Grissom would suspend you if he knew, but he doesn't, so oh well.  
  
You grab a drink at the bar, and watch. You watch kids dance with passion and older couple, just enjoying the night together. You watch what you can't ever have. Hi, I'm crazy and I work with dead people. I come with enough baggage to sink the Titanic and I hurt myself when I can't take it anymore. You're real date material there.  
  
"Hey, how are you?" comes a voice from next to you. You see a lab tech from Days. "Decided to grace us with your presence down here? So watcha doin'? Playing hooky?"   
  
You run. Away from the tech, the club, the life, you can't have. You run and drive home. Oh, damn now you are beyond dead. Let's run a list. Family hates you, boss about to suspend or fire you for lying to him, also about to find out you're queer, no meds, no friends. This passed bad quite some time ago.   
  
You finally make it home without getting killed. Can't get the lock to turn. At last! You collapse just inside the door and begin to sob. Your life is so over. Everything begins to spin as the feelings and the thoughts you can't control any longer spin out of control. Finally you sink into oblivion.  
  
Day Two - …and Found  
  
Voices wake you. People. What's going on? You feel your mind trying to send some kind of urgent signal, but you can't seem to understand it. Eyes opening. You're in a bedroom, your bedroom actually. This is a good sign. You are curled up in a corner, and there is blood on your arms. This is a bad sign. Your brain continues to try and reach you, but so far there is still no connection going on.   
  
The door to your room opens. It's that blonde lady you work with, oh yeah Catherine. She yells something over her shoulder and then comes a bit closer to you and bends down. Then you see a man enter the room. Glasses, salt and pepper hair, looks vague, oh yes, Bugman. Your boss, possibly former boss. You are not totally sure on this, and take it to be a bad sign. He then says something to the next room, you start to wonder how the hell many people are in your apartment anyways. At least no one else comes in  
  
"Hey there honey." Catherine is speaking, wow she sounds so calm. "It's me Catherine." Thank you Miss Obvious, "We've been worried about you . Haven't seen you in a few days".   
  
Catherine looks worried, so does boss. Hmmm few days. What the hell has been going on. You start to panic. They've found out about you …oh god…..you feel the breath start to surge through you. Grissom must have noticed because he begins to talk in a most uncharacteristic tone, "Hi there. It's okay. I knew you were sick so we didn't worry for a little bit. But we're here now, okay. Just take a deep breath, everything is fine."  
  
You just stare back at him. "You know, I can see you've been hurt. Is it okay with you if I take a quick look? We might need to clean you up a bit." Glancing down you realize that you have cut yourself. Not deeply, but frequently.   
  
Grissom starts speaking, very gently, "I'd feel a bit better if you handed me the razor. That way there won't be any accidents." Dumbfounded you hand him the razor that you just realized was still in your hand, "Just me…I'm bad…just me" You can feel your voice start to rise. Grissom hands the blade back to Catherine who leaves the room quickly.  
  
"It's okay . Just breathe. It's alright. You're safe now. Just let me help you up, okay?" You allow him to help you out of the corner and onto the bed. He continues to talk to you soothingly as he examines your wounds. "These don't look too bad. We can clean them up pretty quickly." Catherine comes back into the room and hands him some first aid stuff.   
  
After exchanging a quick glance with the boss Catherine asks, "Can you tell me what happened sweetie? Did somebody hurt you?" You can't stop the words, "No, you'll hate me. Fire me. I'm horrible, just go away. Please." You leap up off the bed and run out of the room, running squarely into another person. Arms hold fast around you , gently letting you to the floor. You begin to struggle as a quiet voice with a Texan accent says, "I'm not letting go. I'm going to hold you until I know you won't run. Please darling, just try to relax for me."   
  
Whimpering, you try to calm down. A sob escapes, "Scared…don't hurt me." You can feel Nick shift and sigh, "It's alright, I won't let anyone hurt you. We're just trying to help. Why don't we go back into the other room and Grissom can clean you up. Then we'll figure out what to do next."  
  
Nick guides you slowly to the other room and places you down on the bed. He holds you as Grissom finishes cleaning you up. Afterwards they are all very quiet, trying to figure out what to do next. Finally, Nick breaks the silence. "Can you tell me what happened? I know you think you're bad, but you're not. I don't know what to do, but if it means sitting here and hanging onto you until you're ready to tell me then I will. If you need a doctor I'll get one. But please let me know!"  
  
Astonished you look up at him. "You care? But I'm gay, and I'm on meds, and my family hates me and everything's gone to hell." The words come out faster and faster and you tell them the whole pathetic story of your life. You search their faces for anger, hate, condemnation, but that's not what you see. In their eyes you see sympathy and sadness. You're drained now, exhausted, falling asleep.   
  
Nick looks up at Catherine and Grissom, "No one is going to hurt or fire you. Everything is going to be fine. I'm gonna take care of you Greg. Rest now, I'll be here when you wake up."  
  
You feel yourself begin to drift off. They don't hate you. Everything else is bad, but they don't hate you. It's enough for now. Just a lack of hate, and the world seems a little less dark. 


End file.
